Heavy Laden Saint

Failed attempts at holiness
My righteous deeds are filth
I put on masks to hide my shame
But in my heart I know

There's no deceiving
One who sees all
There's no hiding
So why not be free?

Wash me, cleanse me
I'm sick of death in my life
You can have me
Even the parts that I hide

Wearied exile
I don’t think I can keep on
I long for the place
Where sin will be rid of it’s power

You lived a life to cover mine
Before time began
You purposed in your heart to die
And pay for all my sin

There's no deceiving
One who sees all
There's no hiding
So why not be free?

Wash me, cleanse me
I'm sick of death in my life
You can have me
Even the parts that I hide

Wearied exile
I don’t think I can keep on
I long for the place
Where sin will be rid of it’s power

Renegades at Heart

These are the lyrics to a song I recently wrote. It is a pretty extreme way of depicting how sin dwells deep inside of us and how none of us are far from becoming what we hate. Enjoy :)

RENEGADES AT HEART

I know the way you look at them girls
Just one more night of fun till their blood is on your hands
And you split out of the town
And ride until you've hit the next one

You ride through the night and the dawn comes too soon
You saw me sitting there outside the saloon
And you knew that you found trouble
When you saw my horse was white cuz your's was black
Yes, I'm sheriff of these parts
And you're a dead, you're a dead, dead man

Won't you step in through my doors
And I will give you just one chance
'Fore you're dead
And we'll see who drinks the most
And sticks the other one more fast
Watch my flash

I know your kind and you're all sick, sick dogs
Your pride swells like your chest and that's saying a lot
Cuz you're a big man and that alcohol
Treats you like you're only 30 pounds

Blink your eyes, you're slower than molasses. BANG!!!
You're dead, I see those girls, we do our thing
And I'm drunk out of my mind and see
The girls lying dead the next morn'
What a surprising thing:
The renegade I killed I've become

Won't you step in through my doors
And I will give you just one chance
'Fore you're dead
And we'll see who drinks the most
And sticks the other one more fast
Watch my flash
I'll take your horse, black like my heart
And race the setting sun
'Fore I'm dead
I'll carry on till someone next town
Sees the man I am
Oh, I'm dead

We're all plagued by the same disease.

Answer to Question Concerning Correction and Reproof

Question:
"The unbeliever can be the most injurious when we try to shed light into their darkness...how do we keep shedding the light while they continue to scoff?"

Answer:
Just to clarify, correction and reproof, as far as "progressive sanctification" (being made holy) goes, it's only towards the believer, not towards the unbeliever.

I think a lot of times, especially in churches in America, many conservative Christians try to enforce Christian morals on non-Christians. Churches a lot of times are more concerned with people needing to stop practicing certain sins than with people actually meeting Jesus. They will tell the sexually immoral to be sexually pure. They will tell the drunkard to stop drinking. They will tell the sluggard to get up and work. Etc. Etc. The problem with this is that even if they stop practicing these apparent sins, without faith in the life and death of Jesus Christ, they will still be going to Hell. We must understand that just because somebody fits the picture of a Christian as far as morals go, it doesn't mean they are a Christian. Christianity, we understand, works from the inside out. Jesus talks in John 3 about how in order for one to see the kingdom of God, one needs to be born again. This means that we have a new nature. The Spirit of God dwells in all those who have a saving faith in Jesus Christ. This is being born again. So the Christian has faith in Jesus, is born again, and everything else flows out from that intimacy now restored with God by our spiritual rebirth. The morals that Christianity teaches only apply to those who are actually born again. And once again, every Christian is walking with God at whatever pace the Holy Spirit is taking them, so more mature Christians can't go around pointing the finger at fellow brothers and sisters all the time because the less mature are not as "moral" as the mature are. I heard a friend give a good example of this: Let's say a father has two sons, one is 2 and the other is 10. The father obviously has different expectations for both of his sons. The father expects his 10 year old son to make his bed, but he does not ask his 2 year old to do the same. The 10 year old son asks the father, "Why don't you make my brother make his bed too?". The father says, "Because he is only 2. There are more important things he must learn before we get to making his bed, like being potty trained." So even though both sons are at different stages, they are both still sons. All Christians, regardless of where they are at in their relationship with Jesus, are children of God nonetheless.

Now the point is this: we cannot go around requiring non-Christians to fit the morals of Christianity without first becoming a Christian themselves. God will require non-Christians to give an account of their sin eventually, but that is not our job. Our job is not to correct and reprove the non-Christians morality. Our job is to point them to Jesus. We preach the gospel to them, and this is the gospel: that we are more incredibly wicked than we could ever imagine; but Jesus lived the life we SHOULD have lived (a perfect and sinless life) and he died the death that we should have died for our sins, taking them upon himself and clothing us in his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21); and now, he is alive and risen and has conquered death so that all who believe in him will be saved.

Some people will accept the gospel, and some people will not accept the gospel. We preach the gospel both in speech and also in the way we live. If unbelievers will not receive what we say, are we to continue shoving it down their throats? I don't believe so. I do not mean that we should stop preaching the gospel in word, but we do not become those annoying Christians who degrade those who do not accept it and act like they are so much better than the unbeliever for accepting it. Rather, we continue to love the non-Christian in the way we speak to them. We pray for them, asking Jesus to soften their hearts to his glorious truth. We live a life of love towards them and continue to live lives centered around the gospel. We never stop telling them the truth, but that doesn't mean we never shut our mouths.

I hope that answered the question satisfactorily. Good question :)

Correction and Reproof

I was reading in Proverbs 9 today and something huge caught my eye. Here is what it says (vs. 7-12):

7 "Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse, and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.
8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
10 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.
11 For by me your days will be multiplied, and years will be added to your life.
12 If you are wise, you are wise for yourself; if you scoff, you alone will bear it."

The first thing I want to point out is that the beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, which Proverbs 8:13 defines as "hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I have hated." So before one has wisdom and knowledge, one begins to hate evil, or sin. This is also congruent with the doctrine of repentance. It all begins with the changing of one's mind: seeing our sin the way God sees it. So the fear of the Lord is hating sin.

Our lives should be marked with repentance. When Jesus saved me, I realized how wretched a man I was and how much sin there was not only in my outward life, but also in my heart. I have (and so should all Christians) this deep desire to mortify all sin in my life and become more like Jesus, more holy. I want to destroy all the sin that is in my life. It is my new nature that wars against my flesh.

The way I see this tying into Proverbs 9 is the following:
Proverbs 9:7-8 says that when someone reproves, or corrects, a scoffer, that scoffer will hate you. They get all defensive and start blame shifting everything on to the one who is correcting. I have seen this in my own life sometimes as well (the truth is, we all receive correction sometimes and deny it at other times; we are both the wise and the scoffer to some extant). Somebody might come up to me and give me some advice or speak correction into my life and I will not hear it. I begin to think up every excuse of how that person has no idea what they are talking about. I never gave them permission to correct me; I'm way smarter than they are, they have no authority over me; they have way more problems than I have. Blah blah blah...And a million other excuses why I should not receive it. Maybe sometimes the heart of the one correcting us might not be in the right place, but that doesn't mean the correction isn't true and right. The point is, the scoffer is denying something that actually would help him.

Proverbs 9:8-9 then describes the wise man as receiving correction. When we receive correction and instruction, it says we become even more wise! Reproof increases our learning! When somebody is correcting us, whether it is done in a way that is loving, kind, and out of sincerity or whether it is done out of spite, dislike, or ill-intent, we should never cast it away without asking Jesus whether or not any part of that is true. If it is not true, then we cast it aside. But if it is true, we receive it and accept it. WE ARE CHRISTIANS. We want to grow to be more like Jesus.

And this is what Proverbs 9:12 says. If we are wise, if we receive correction and reproof, we are wise for ourselves. We know that all the correction can do is to cause us to become more like Jesus! If we do not receive correction, it is to our own downfall and we will bear it upon ourselves. I once heard an example, though I'm not sure who from, that goes like this: We are a white piece of paper that has been tainted by sin. We have a billion black dots on us so we look like a black piece of paper. When we become Christians, God begins to "progressively sanctify" us, and begins to remove the black dots. As the black dots are removed, we begin to see more and more white underneath us; but the whiter we become, the more noticeable the black dots are. So it is with sin. The more like Jesus we become, the more our sin is destroyed in our lives, the more noticeable all the other sins are that we have.

We receive correction because it causes us to be more like Jesus.

This completely changes the way we should both give and receive correction. We need to understand that all Christians are becoming more like Jesus AT THE PACE THAT THE SPIRIT IS WORKING IN THEM. We all are at different places. This means that when we give correction, it should ALWAYS be for their benefit and never out evil intentions. We must be quick to see the evidences of grace in their life and comment on them so that they will understand that our correction is not coming at them out of anger or dislike, but out of love and goodwill. We are not doubting the Spirit's work in their lives. Also, we should not just speak out every sin we see in people. We need to trust that the Spirit is working in people's hearts. At the same time, we need to be listening to when the Spirit would have us to point out sin in other's lives. I've noticed for myself that a lot of times Jesus deals with sin in my life and it is only between me and him. We need to trust that Jesus is doing the same in others. At other times, I need a word from fellow Christian brothers and sisters to help correct my sin. We need to trust that Jesus might lead us to do the same for other people and act upon that leading in a loving and kind way.

Likewise, we should be quick to receive correction. Even if somebody has ill-intentions in pointing out our flaws and sins, we must ask Jesus if any of what they are saying be true. I've heard many people say that we should turn our critics into coaches, and I think that is true. Although we should never beat ourselves up over our problems (Jesus already took that beating for us!!!), we should be willing to receive correction.

Think about Jesus: HE is the one who has perfect knowledge and wisdom, but he never used it to degrade other people out of spite. HE is more holy than EVERYBODY, and yet he is constantly helping us to become more holy, not despising us for all of our sin. He always loves, even when we don't love back. He loves his church, and so should we. Let us be people who are always confirming the work of the Spirit in the body of Christ. Let us be people who are pointing out sin in others SOLELY to see them become more like Jesus, become more holy! Let our love for one another, our true desire to see the body of Christ uplifted, be the arrow pointing to Christ in this world!

From Glory to Glory

There's something inside
Holding me back
It's bending what I
Thought was my track
The man I knew I'd become
I am; yes, I already am

Grace has molded me from the womb
You've made me the way I am
To grow into your glory

It's why I live: to your glory
It's how i'm sustained. Any joy
That I have comes because you're glorious

Each time that I'm sure
I see your full plan
My path takes a turn
I simply can't land
Your ways are higher than mine
I'm a house, and you're my builder

Dustin Kensrue is one of my favorite lyricists of all time and has influenced me very much in my writing. I thought I'd share one his songs with you called "The Great Exchange."
Enjoy :)

I crewed on a fair golden ship that
Went down at the dawn of the world
We mutinied and sentenced our captain to die
'Fore our sails had barely unfurled

We sank shortly after our riot
Wanton flame and our powder kegs met
While I swam for my life there came voices aloft-
Joyful, unearthly, and dread-

Singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy

Too bone-tired to keep my arms moving
To swim or even grasp after straw
The undertow drew me down into it's cold
And infinite indigo jaws

I heard singing of a violent, tireless mystery:
That one would give his life to save his enemy

I thought I must be dead or dreaming
When my captain-still battered, betrayed-
Pulled me up, laid me over the beam he'd clung to
Breathed his last, and sank under the waves

(Your body is a bridge
Across an endless sea)

Forever Grace

Oh! Wretched man that I am!
Who will deliver me?
This sin creeps in dressed like a lamb
Attempting to deceive

And though I've tasted grace, unearned
Though mercy overflow
Somehow sin causes tables turn
And blinds all that I know

But even after ninety years
Should I still walk this earth
The same sin that tickled my ears
Will try to steal my mirth

But oh! How grace does overwhelm
And mercy, always new
That even in the age to come
It's grace that sees us through

Even There

The sun is shining down on me
It's warmth is soothing all my soul
Each ray feels like it sets me free
Like phoenix tears make a wound whole

A slow nod shows the peace I feel
Serene and calm right where I stand
But for some reason I just can't land
A new thought comes, a thief to steal

For past this meadow the forest trees
Cast shadows darker than deepest seas
Creating haunting, lifeless holes
Paused and still and deathly cold

So this thought causes me to walk
Towards the thing that none would dare
For most who wander through the trees
Are turned insane by torches aloft

Lampades tread throughout the night
To them I walk, away from light
That thought, it seems I cannot fight
Away from what I'm sure is right

Amongst the trees do I now stand
The darkness thickens with each step
I'm past the place at which I planned
To turn back. Oh! what pace I've kept!

I'm haunted and feel so alone
The cold sets in and holds my soul
Oh! that once I sat in warmth
And light like no one ever knows

A voice I hear tells me to move
Directing me; I cannot see
For even in the darkest place
Your grace abounds so great towards me

Torn

I can't explain my love for you
I feel like we're joined at the hip
I hope that soon we'll reunite
And something more than just a trip

I know that God will guide my steps
And towards the taller place he's called
But who am I to stray from him?
A horse escaped from out his stall?

Yet oh! Your eye looks straight at me
Though from it have I yet to leave
Your waters fall so perfectly
And taunt my heart as one last plea

Prestige and glory are in your midst
And yet in me they still exist
Believe me when I say you're missed
You're not the only one I've kissed

In a Jet Stream

The world, it looks so beautiful
When far above it's touch
And though I can be cynical
The poets saw so much

One feels as poor as dirt and
Yet still he rules the world
The stars seem closer than land
And still they're untouched pearls

A bump and then a flash goes
And thoughts will swarm my head
That sand will cover our nose
And take us to the dead

But oh! the beauty of it
That he who made the sky
Holds me right where I now sit
And kills what haunts my mind

Captive, Run Free

This is hurting, heavy burden
Like a sack full of bricks on my back
You are watching, waiting, kindly begging
For me to lay my cares upon you

Cuz you care for me in my hopeless state
And you burn for me, you burn for me

I know now the weight of it all
How it sits on your shoulders
And it pulls you down
Rising up, you shout "Victory!
Captive, come with me
You're finally free."

Set towards one thing, eyes fixed on me
The worst hell you endured willingly
So that I'd be made right, stand tall in light
Of your life, since mine is darker than night

We're All Thieves

Oh, how it seems

That we're all thieves

We betray love

And steal her dreams

We creep in when

She is dead asleep

We're self absorbed

And hopeless beings

When lights go out

We know it's time

To sneak inside

Commit our crime

I act as though

This gift is mine

Each time I feel

I've crossed the line

But still I go

With its closed eyes

And pull and tug

A million tries

So nonchalant

We wear our ties

I hide my face

Our lives just lies

Please keep them closed

I'll turn the keys

Oh, how it seems

That we're all thieves

We steal what's ours

Though they're her dreams

We take her thoughts

Yes, we're all thieves

Let Love be Without Hypocrisy

Your love is hypocritical

You act as though you sacrifice

Your problem is stereotypical

We all are going to pay the price

For love will never seek its own

It strives to bless the one it knows

And in the end we'll reap what's sown

I'll give up all and not for show

And love will never let you down

For by its nature it cannot fail

When what's desired is finally found

Then perfect love won't be prevailed

Oh love! Where will I find a place

My heart aches from you filling me

I'd be content with just a taste

A sip of you is all I need

Sharing in Christ

LIke breathing in an empty space

So unfulfilling , I feel abused

And like a light that isn't real

Deceived, I've been made so confused

I hear a voice inside my head

Against the things by which I've sworn

That judging others is not my god

But grace abounds and so much more

A struggle still to see the world

As sheep who all have gone astray

Just as I also once was lost

A promise fulfilled on that day

And though I am already saved

And though his glory I already share

The crown I long for must be won

His cross, his yoke, I still must bare

Safe Insecurities and Superficial Dreams

I found this poem that I wrote nearly 2 years ago. It seems I was probably bitter and angry when I wrote it haha. The next poem I post will be happy, I swear :)

She runs around in her own world

Thinking the problems will fade away

But cold and alone, the pain comes back

And steals the joy she thought she had

But joy is found when life is not known

When ends aren't found without a fight

The blueprints aren't completely done

But just have faith in what is known

You keep your mind on your safety

Not knowing that you're acting a fool

There is no joy when all is seen

There's no surprise, there's no hoping

So just keep on, let loose your dreams

Screw it all for bored safety

Assured of outer happiness

You've lost adventure and lost your joy

I can't convince you, soon you'll learn

You've thrown your joy down to the sharks

They're ravished, now they're filled with dreams

So forget me, forget my love

The wolves will find me where I am

I'll meet them out, they'll be surprised

So afraid and so alone

My courage brings life to my eyes

A fire ablaze inside my heart

To do what's right, so unexpected

But love is a risk that none should miss

A fight to end in total bliss

So jump the bridge and leave no tracks

Our demons follow wherever we go

I'm so oppressed, yet so at peace

So in this war I find myself

I trust my mind through emotions

I know reason has perfect rhyme

You're stuck in outer appearances

And think this will reshape your life

Passion and love will fuel my faith

I fight for life and risk my all

"But don't be scared," I tell myself

"You're not alone, you're not alone"

For out there's one who's life is lost

Who will risk it all and follow me

Soon, I hope, you're hand I'll grab

We'll take the wolves all by surprise

Stay there in your whimsical thoughts

They'll never be as real as me

Goodbye to safe insecurities

Goodbye to superficial dreams

I'm romanced by the thought of risk

A dreamer who might lose it all

You say that you're a dreamer too

Your actions tell me otherwise

So prove it not only to me

But to yourself, you're lost, so lost

You're used to boring, average life

So be abnormal, use your mind

Your goal is lost amongst the mass

You're just like every other person

Afraid of risk, of the unknown

And so your life will have no joy

Sweet girl, sweet love, sweet bone of mine

You're lost and so I'm leaving you

Goodbye to safe insecurities

Goodbye to superficial dreams

There Is

There's beauty in each day

Enough to sweep my heart away

There's hope in every storm

A silent prayer, the purest form

There's truth beneath our skin

If we'd just search, it lies within

There's light, before unseen

It's just a step ahead of me

There's love still all alone

Our actions reap what has been sown

There's pain as sure as hell

Whose caldron makes a wicked spell

There's healing if you're sick

A seed of faith mends broken sticks

There's peace if we'd be still

Whose rest and strength will keep us filled

Like a Bird in a Cage with an Open Door

Run for cover, the war is waged

We're weighed to err, we're trapped and caged

For years, enslaved by fear, unrest

Like birds in cages, we're so oppressed

We're used to limits, locks, and bars

Forgetting about the moon and stars

And when the cage is left unlocked

And when the door has not been blocked

Our chance to leave has finally come

Our hearts start beating like a drum

Escape to freedom, we fear unknown

And so our chance is close to blown

To taste the air, to feel the sky

Or to be still with lifeless eyes

Our hope for joy is surely gone

Bound to this cage, this must be wrong

Empty Space

With quiet words I lead you in

Through light and dark, through smooth and rough

And slow, like sap, beneath my skin

The empty space will call my bluff

A twirl of bright spots, black behind

Each relapse brings new hues of light

But still that one star shines so kind

You pull away with all your might

Distance shores I wish I'd find

Unexplored by more than space

Like planets show my fate's aligned

Your eyes are lost without a trace

Each move you make could be your last

The black won't forgive, watch your step

Goodbye, my love, my air will pass

I look around, there's nothing left

To Ransom Men

Have you heard, have you heard of the man

Who walks through the door with his weapon in hand

He speaks not a word and he blinks not his eyes

The people are healed and yet still some deny

Sly as a fox he slips through the mass

The preachers they all miss this man walking past

Human he was, divine did he seem

Innocent smile, he lived in a dream

And they called him a dreamer, a waker of life

He bleeds like all others, yet tells not a lie

He rouses the sleepers and brings back the dead

The sky became dark and it wept as he said,

"It is finished."

What does this mean?

How could this be?

Truly no man can save us

We cannot be saved but he said,

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. Believe and you're saved

For I am the I AM. I am your God, and not just a man."

I know there's no end. He didn't just die

He rose from the grave, the hope of new life

Believe in our God and no other thing

Rejoice with us now! Rejoice as we sing,

"Jesus our God, Saviour of all

Worthy of every praise

You are God, Jesus,

You alone."

Loss of Will to Live

What is the difference between love and hate? Is there a difference? Or is hatred just a different form of love? Often times in movies and books we read of the “good guys” and the “bad guys,” yet a lot of times we grow attached to the bad guys. For example, in the movie “Heavyweights,” Ben Stiller plays one of these attractive “bad guy” roles. He turns the summer camp into a living hell, yet for some reason, he is a very liked character and has played many similar roles since. Sometimes the “bad guys” are accidentally bad, or ignorantly bad, or even just bad to carry out there jobs; yet still we have some kind of connection to them. Why is that? Sometimes the person we hate the most is hated by us only because we love that person so much.

In the poem “Daddy,” written by Sylvia Plath in 1966, there is a certain feeling of hatred and a feeling of love that the reader obtains. One cannot say but by speculation and close analysis whether or not she was expressing love or hatred. There are lines in the poem that express both ideas: 1) idea of love- “I used to pray to recover you. Ach, du.” 2) idea of hatred- “Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I’m through.” It seems hypocritical to tell a person you love them and later speak of your hatred towards them. Why does she have words of love and hate? Could hatred just be another form of love?

In a review of this poem by Judith Kroll called Rituals of Exorcism: “Daddy,” Judith says, “The love is not merely conveyed by the rhythm and sound of the poem, it is a necessary part of the poem’s meaning, a part of the logic of its act.” Judith Kroll makes it clear in this review that there is an obvious longing for her father. The poem seems hateful and inhumane, but Judith proposes the opposite. One quote to show her longing for her father says, “The vampire who said he was you and drank my blood for a year.” Sylvia Plath found a man who acted like her father and was somewhat of an impersonator. The phrase is loving, yet she uses harsh and negative words to describe her father’s impersonator.

At the same time, Sylvia uses hateful and negative phrases with nice and kind words to describe her father. The first example says, “I have always been scared of you…and your neat moustache.” She had been afraid of him, even with his becoming image. The second example reads, “I made a model of you, A man in black with a Meinkampf look.” She made a model of her father who was in the image of one the most disliked human beings known to man. So her love and her longing for her father is paired somehow with her hatred and ever lasting scorn towards him.

In conclusion, Judith Kroll brings out an interesting point: that the things we hate are the things we love. Judith quotes another poem by Sylvia called “Tulips.” Judith quotes this poem saying, “The tulips are too red in the first place, they hurt me…Their redness talks to my wound, it corresponds.” So not only do we love the things we hate and hate the things we love, but somehow these two correspond with each other. Despite her pain caused by the tulips, nothing can stop her from the connecting the wounds with the tulips. So back to my original question: could hatred just be another form of love? Sylvia Plath has proven that this can actually occur. Our hate and pain corresponds with our love.

Man Alive

I wrote this poem right after I read G.K. Chesterton's novel Man Alive (which I would recommend to any novel lover). Enjoy :)

Madness sets in by giving in,

Not breaking out; by being tamed

Self repeating circle of ideas

By settling down

Pedaling the machine so fast

That I turned into a machine myself

That's the matter with all of us

We're too busy to wake up

Things look so bright just before they burst

I think this time we'll be just fine

But don't look into the sun

Pedaling against reason

But what even is reason?

This goes against all we know

Now I am a man alive

Down with My Ship

I wrote this poem a while back and it's probably one of my favorites...thought I'd share it with anybody who cares to read it :)

Extending your arms

They beg for my touch

As close as an inch

The pressure's too much

I sense the wind's thoughts

They rage against me

And pull on my heels

To leave for the sea

It's just like before

But this time you stay

I gaze in your eyes

But I'm being swept away

Unlike your leave

It was never my choice

When you walked away

No words with your voice

I can't help but go

My passion has strength

I'm romanced by life

To such a great length

Life seems too short

To live like we do

And so my heart dives

And seeks something new

So loved are the depths

Where no one can breathe

So cold and alone

So lost in the deep

I wish you were here

I'd drink in the storm

Engulfed in desires

You're losing your form

Hold in your breath

And brace for impact

I won't be there

To keep you intact

As you lose sight

I will see ever clear

The blue magnifies

Everything I have feared

If only you knew

The love I control

But life isn't fair

Or so I am told

You're on the bow of

A capsizing ship

Whose mast splinters down

And breaks off the tip

Darling, hold on

I can't just let go

The wind won't give up

It howls with each blow

Your hands are so small

So warm to my lips

I'd love them till death

Go down with my ship

I'm slipping away

I'm losing my sight

Deep in the distance

You're giving a fight

Darling, hold on

I'm losing my grip

My heart yells, "Go down,

Go down with your ship."

Vanity of Vanities

Though I hear and though my eyes can see

I'm not full, I'm not full

Though the wisdom of all me is in me

It's all dull, it's all dull

It's all grasping for the wind

Every pleasure has been touched by me

They're all gone, they're all dead

Even if I could gain the world

It's all toil that must end

It's all grasping for the wind

I hear your words like a passing train

I'm too concerned with life to jump in

I've turned my head off towards the edge

You call for me

I can't undo the things I've done to you

Against you have I sinned

I know you'd say my life could be made clean

This can't be, it can't be

It's all grasping for the wind

I hear your words like a passing train

I'm too concerned with myself to jump in

My head is facedown, stuck in my hands

You call for me

You're the just and the justifier

You lived the life I failed and you died

You're not a man that you should lie

You're God and I'm not

I won't turn back, It's out of my mind

This life is too short to live by my own might

I won't look back, You're all that I need

This moment defines who I am, who I'll be

In your eyes

As the Ruin Falls

This poem has influenced my poetry quite possibly more than any other. So I thought I'd post it for all to read. It is by C.S. Lewis and it is called As the Ruin Falls. Enjoy:

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, re-assurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love --a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Only that now you have taught me (but how late) my lack.
I see the chasm. And everything you are was making
My heart into a bridge by which I might get back
From exile, and grow man. And now the bridge is breaking.

For this I bless you as the ruin falls. The pains
You give me are more precious than all other gains. 

I Often Wish I were Someone Else

I often wish I were someone else
You’d look at me so differently
But I guess I cant just go back
To retrace my steps and create new tracks

I think I see my prints ahead
I only know a single shape
But not enough to realize
These feet have seen this muddy place

So break out the guns
Im going unsure
I see no hope
I sense no cure

I keep my mind in steady thought
And reason out the hope I have
A blissful wish to live again
But just a wish, nonetheless

Ever ready I keep my pace
To see the end, experience taste
This is the first and last I’ll know
I would have it no other way

My brows are fixed and not a word
Is slipped out from my grinding jaw
I gnash my teeth to feel a pulse,
To wish that I were someone else

Oh! The way it could have felt
I wish that I were someone else
Im just the dust upon the shelf
Now I’ve become somebody else

How Convenient

I saw you dancing, what a sight to see

How you move so smooth

Like the wind carries the leaves

You look so beautiful; beautiful girl

All of a sudden I feel light headed

Like I'm drifting in to space

I've heard that's what love is

But love is a distant star

All of a sudden I feel like dancing

Embrace you in my arms

I've heard that's what love is

But love is a distant star

I saw a hint of something I once knew

How we'd sit and stare

I'd hold you and think you're so

Beautiful; oh you're so beautiful

All of a sudden I feel light headed

Like I'm drifting in to space

I've heard that's what love is

But love is a distant star

All of a sudden I feel like dancing

Embrace you in my arms

I've heard that's what love is

But love is a distant star

Passive Wrath

All eyes are waiting for the sign

Of a wrath that destroys even time

For something that none but God can do

An act of justice

You send fire and maybe we'll believe

Show your hand enough for us to see

Then maybe, yes maybe we'd believe

That you are God

This can't be what's right

You've got to show us more

Prove who you are

By your power

We're asleep or all blind

If we'd wake up we'd see what's been done

We're like flies who are stuck in a web

Drawn in by our own will

If we'd open our eyes to the truth

We'd see how we've all replaced you

With small gods who can't save

Seeing is what we need to trust 

Without sight, you're wrath seems just a bluff

So show us, and then we'll follow you

Us humans are all such fools

Turn back, repent all men!

The kingdom is here and not yet

The idols we worship will all die

This here is his passive wrath

Choose now who you follow

Until Love Pleases

I'm in love with you,

Dear girl in the dark

Your name I know not

Yet I have your mark

Between us, a heart

Inscribed on a tree

In a park I can't find

The words I can't read

In front all is black

Step not out just yet

Soon time will stop

Catch us in its net

Until God declares

That we then are good

I'll sit and I'll dream

My darling, come soon

A Love that is Pure (Through the Sower's Tears)

I've heard of love more pure than gold

Its voice more soft than angel's song

When hearts, in ages past, grew cold

So bright, this love breaks through the dawn

And like a seed thrown to the ground

With gentle hands the Father sows

Though rain rejects, the seed is found

The Sower's tears must make it grow

And we, though once communed with Him

And walked in light, were innocent

But now our one Saviour from sin

Must bloom in hope to remake sense

So once the Father pours His tears

And feeds the heart of whom He sent

the seed, once thought to disappear

Will take a stand, that which He's meant

Its roots grow firm and grab the soil

Embrace His call to regain love

To save us from the pain and toil

To show the Father's grace above

He takes this world and makes it new

He folds His roots, with arms of grace

Around this wretched, depraved blue

And covers us and takes our place

This love can't be contained in me

I must proclaim its saving power

And deeper than the deepest sea

I'm rained upon by thickest shower

You're love, Father, more pure than gold

You whisper in through angel's song

Empowered by Your grace of old

So sure, You're love through me breaks dawn